I've often imagined getting the Thanksgiving phone call--you know the one--but it just hasn't happened yet. This year was the first time that I actually believed it could. Not with all my heart, mind you. I save a little slice of that just in case, so if things turn out poorly, my heart doesn't break or burst. You've got to leave a little wiggle room. That said, I was pretty confident this year.As the day drew nearer, I held out hope--but nothing. When I woke up Thanksgiving morning, I had hope--still nothing. I called some peers, some who had gotten the call in the past and others who hadn't, but all of them hoping for a call this year, and each with specific insight into how it all worked.
"They make all the calls before Thanksgiving," the first said matter-of-factly. "You think they are going to spend the whole holiday on the phone?" That made sense.
"No, no, no. You can still get the call by Friday," the next postured. "They aren't in any hurry." Well, that was true too. They weren't under anyone's deadline but their own. This could be good.
My next call confirmed that suspicion and took it further. "I've heard that they deliberate over the weekend." It is a whole new world this year. New management. They are shaking things up." Maybe I had plenty of time. I didn't know what to believe.
Finally, "You would have gotten the call by now." And that was probably true.
Still, as I peeled potatoes and washed fresh cranberries, I continued to hold out just a glimmer of hope. But at a certain moment during dinner, I started to feel it and, as the night wore on, that damned sinking feeling started to set in. This had never really been a problem in the past because until now, I had never truly believed I stood a chance. But this year was different, wasn't it?
"Don't be stupid," I told myself. "You didn't actually think you were going to get the call did you?" I thought about it for a long time even though I already knew the answer. I lied, "No, no of course not. That would be crazy."
So, as I mentioned before, I have never received that precious call. It just never occurred to me until this year that perhaps I never will. And you know what? Others call. Life just simply moves forward. To quote another whose phone did not ring this year, "Do your work. The rest is in God's hands."
Still...what would this feel like?
